So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are we still banned from the library?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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