I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
