Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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