Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
