Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
