Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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