How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
