Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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