I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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