He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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