She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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