The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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