xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
