I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he fucked my hip out of place.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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