is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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