that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
