My sheets look like a crime scene.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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