no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
