I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
