They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
