Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
