Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
