i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
