Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
