thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
