Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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