I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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