ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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