Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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