You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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