Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
