I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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