In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
