Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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