My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize