haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
