Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
