she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
