All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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