Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
