I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
