At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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