remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
