Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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