hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
