If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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