but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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