WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
