Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
