It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
should my penis look like a turkey
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
