"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize