i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
