ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
