He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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