I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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