:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
