I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
