It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
