We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
