dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
