dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
