booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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