3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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