yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
