then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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