i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
