Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
