R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my poor anus
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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