great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
