I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
