you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
