I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize